Home Again.

A friend recently sent me this quote:

"develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. forget yourself. it isn't the oceans which cut us off from the world - it's the American way of looking at things."
-henry miller

This embodies so much of what I came to believe last semester, as well as the beautiful opportunity I had this past week to travel within America (make note: Miller is referring to an American perspective in his quote, not America itself)

These being my first travels since returning home, it was natural that I was initially missing the people and places I experienced in Europe. However I was reminded of my revelation back in November about how much I wanted to return to the U.S. and begin to discover its own riches (since I have been "hating" on America for some time now). As this revelation resurfaced, I found myself allowing each city to awaken my soul to its liking. Upon our return home, I can say that I truly felt each city.

In an attempt to experience each city in the way that it is meant to be experienced, I have returned with (finally) a greater appreciation for my home country. It began to sink in in St. Louis, where we were once again reminded of Lewis and Clark's expedition into America's west. The bravery and courage these men and their party sustained in one of history's most daring expeditions. It is this America that I am proud of.

But it really hit me driving through the cornfields in Illinois. Vast fields, farms spread miles apart- beautiful, empty, but thriving, space. These farms are the foundation of our country's development. Yet we so often drive past them without a thought about their importance. We see their land as "wasted space"- a place were a shopping area or a suburban neighborhood would be better suited. Yet it is this space that sustains us every day.

And then Chicago, where I was once again faced with the kindness that still exists in our country, as we experienced, surprisingly, the kindness of so many strangers. All stereotyped as "city people," I think the term "city folk" is more appropriate, as they acted more like small town neighbors- willing to help and desiring to converse.

So to bring these words back around to the Miller's quote...

an encounter with the world, America included, can only be truthful if within the encounter we "forget ourselves," and allow a place to develop itself within us. For in doing so, we become the keepers and sharers of all this world has to offer.

oh look, Van Gogh.

Road trip.

It's been almost three months since I've had an adventure.

I've realized how much I've missed these feelings of anticipation. Feelings of uncertainty and unexpectedness. Excitement.

When I'm traveling, I'm in my element. So I've realized. I feel comfortable in the uncomfortable. Awake in the tiredness. Calm in the craziness.

I'm ready, once again, for the open road.

name change, but not just for namesake.

A street sign is meant to be practical. It is meant to give a person direction. It represents a specific location. In reading it, it becomes a gateway to all that that specific street contains- undiscovered thrift stores. coffee shops. bookstores filled with stories. homes filled with people who have stories...

sometimes we know all that lies beyond this gateway. but sometimes we do not. sometimes it is undiscovered territory waiting to be explored.

Van-Gogh-Straße is a street in Dresden, Germany. I took a picture of its street sign because it was unique. It maintained the practicality that a street sign is meant to have- the naming of a location, yet it maintained this practicality in an artistic form- through the medium of paint and free-handed lettering.

Writing, in many cases, is meant to be practical. It is meant to direct and it is meant to give name to things in our world. However, it is also meant to be creative. It is often meant to be free and original. It is meant to evoke some sort of feeling within each person it encounters, no matter what that feeling may be. And it is meant to serve as a gateway to what is unknown.

In my opinion, life functions the same way. It has to be practical, but it also has to evoke creativity. It needs to have some sort of soul, some sort of artistic beauty that encourages discovery of all that is beyond the surface, or entry point.

Hence, Van-Gogh-Straße is born- in an attempt to emulate the co-existing way that writing, and more importantly life, is meant to function. Enjoy.

S.

i'm being told to be satisfied.
be satisfied kelly, be satisfied.
i'm being told that i'm being provided a sacred space.

a place to selah

what a sweet word, selah.

but it's hard sometimes to be satisfied.
you want to push. you want to argue and question. you want to be in control.
but sometimes you can't.
thinking, trying, pulling away...sometimes it makes things worse.
sometimes there is freedom in the struggle of staying put.
i'm not sure how yet. but i'm being told to sit still.

be satisfied.

be satisfied.

be satisfied.

Sixth.

I've realized over the past month that I am growing to love the sixth floor of the library just as much as I love the 5th. Prior to this semester, I never desired to claim the sixth floor as my territory. It was only that place I had to go to, if all the chairs downstairs were taken. Still, I've come to love the quiet, studious vibe it tends to give off- not as misfit-ish as the fifth floor.

Today the sixth floor has given me an assurance worthy enough to mention. A few minutes ago a boy sitting at the table in front of me got up to go somewhere and asked me to watch over his stuff until he returned. I smiled and said yes as I always do. I then realized that this occurrence has happened a lot over the past several weeks- strangers asking me to watch over their valuables. Now, many people would look at this and say, "Well that's easy, it just goes to show you that people don't trust one another anymore." However, I'd like to look at it differently. I'd like to look at these occurrences as a reassurance that our society still can trust one another.

How did that boy not now that once he left I wasn't going to grab his MacBook Pro and jet set it out of there? By asking me, a total stranger, to watch his belongings, is basically saying that he, as a person, is representative of the truth that we there is still some trust that exists within our human society. I think in our current world, it is a challenge to see it this way- amoung the cheaters, liers, and slanderers flooding our government systems, media, and workplaces. And perhaps this is just my ideology talking, but I'd like to think of this as a reassurance that as a human race, we haven't reach the total incapability of being trusted. yet.

questions.

Questions. i want answers. i need answers. i seek answers.
Questions. flowing. pouring. seeping out of the mind and onto my tongue.
Questions. challenging. maybe doubting. maybe not.
Questions. perhaps stating what I already know to be true.
Questions. it just took asking to be reassured. i think.
Questions.

sometimes.

sometimes I sit on my bed at three in the morning and write the words down in my head
sometimes they have meaning and sometimes they do not
but for the time being, they're all i've got
so i'll write and write and write.
and maybe these words will take me far
but if they don't
that's okay
i'll still speak what i want to say
and i know someday i'll be heard