Thunderous Silence.

The same green walls. The same carpet. The same white wooden blinds and the same curtains. The same lonely wicker chair that I've rarely sat in...positioned oh so faithfully in that corner, anticipating the moment when I may, just may, rest in it's curves.

Besides these mundane features, I'm currently in a room that seems like a distant memory. I'm resting in a bed that isn't mine, just recently delivered to the house, and besides that pathetically faithful chair, my furniture is gone, now in my apartment. The odds and ends that I left behind when I went away to school last year are now residing in my closet. There is no noise coming from a television, nothing on the walls to stimulate my mind, there is just silence. A silence that stems from the absence of distraction.

However, within the silence still exists the noise of my mind, the noise being made by my thoughts. What exactly are they saying tonight?

Tonight, they seem to be fixed on the emotions I'm having about being home temporarily. Nine hours away at school, home is such a precious place that I look forward to returning to each time I get the opportunity. I feel like it's such a rare treat to experience the place where I am most myself, the place where I have the closet relationships with the people around me, the place that I make fun of for being small, rural, and boring, yet the place that amazes me with it's natural beauty everytime I venture back. Tonight, I'm bothered by the fact that this is no longer my primary dwelling. With each visit home, it is seeming more like a rest stop, a place to indulge in a much-needed hearty meal, get some much-needed sleep, and visit quickly with a few important people, before heading back to the place that is selfishly trying to take over as my new home. This isn't to say that I'm not happy where I am...it's just becoming more and more of a reality that as time is passing, I'm moving farther and farther away from something that was so wonderfully mine for 18 years (spread between three states, six houses, and three apartments). Again, not to say that just because I'm not at home as often anymore, doesn't mean it isn't my home and doesn't mean I am fully emancipated from it, but there is that realization that I'm growing up and life is calling me onward. It seems like these are thoughts that should have been more prominant last year, going through all the akward freshman changes, but there's something about being off of campus this year and feeling more independent that is bringing about these thoughts in full force.

It's just wierd, wierd, wierd. But nonetheless, I make the most of the time I'm here...this so far includes, but is not limited to, 3 games of CandyLand with Anna, helping mom at 2am with her presentation board, watching Grounded 4 Life with Meggie, my first experience at Noodles & Company (which my grandma couldn't stop calling Oodles and Noodles), and good conversations with Cass and Bri at the Lukey house. LOVE LOVE LOVE.