lkasjvdoin.

Shopping with mom= enjoyable. However, shopping with mom and grandma= find a nice couch in PB or bed in Bloomies to sleep on because you'll be there for awhile. Thank goodness I had a cool nine-year-old to hang out with all day.

Meghan and I spent last night playing Anna's new Hannah Montana board game. AMAZING (thank you Santa). Equipped with a Hannah Montana soundtrack, Meg and I had some fun dancing to her oh so fabulous songs. But then Anna got jealous of our fun and started throwing objects at us. Meghan and I just laughed. A lot.

So, in between work, burying my head in books, and the occasional shenanigans with friends, I'm living it up with the Russell clan...a crazy lovable bunch worth all my time.

Not Yet Home for Holiday.

After graduate school, I always thought I would want to venture to a city for a couple of years and live on my own. An independent woman living on her own in a cute dowtown apartment. I'd have a hot job and possibly, an even hotter, intelligent, book-editor boyfriend.

While aspects of this dream are still appealing, after spending two days by myself in the apartment, I'm not sure about the living alone thing. It's too boring and too lonely. I don't like having a lot of down time to myself; and I can honestly say after 48 hours, I miss having people around!

Clemson was eerie today. The whole town pretty much dies around the holidays. Yikes. Death.

Anyway, I've spent the afternoon after my exam doing a variety of not-so-exciting things. I've watch both versions of Miracle on 34th Street. Melted one of our cute plates in the microwave. Played guitar and stomped my feet loud enough to annoy Weasel downstairs. Danced around the apartment in my Iceland hat and spandex. Annddd searched for engagement rings? (certainly with no engagement in sight, unless the hot book-editor shows up at my door tonight.) These showed potential:

Well, this was merely an attempt to pass some time.

A Song.

bi de be bi di bi de be me ner mop a errr be de bop dur mer ner mer boo do bop skitty e skat skitty e skat skitty e a baop baop!

It's a good day!

Christmas in July (weather).

I watched White Christmas tonight in my apartment, in SC where it happened to be 80 degrees today (December 11). Clearly, no signs of snow. sigh. Word on the street was that girls were actually trying to tan on infamous Lever Beach today. I really have nothing to say to this (CBG if you were here I know you'd join me for a laugh at this one).
I then proceeded to watch four episodes of Scrubs with Joey...always a good stress reliever.
Now, I'm watching The Princess Diaries. Why? Lord only knows.

This is too much television. I would love nothing more than to travel back to the 40's where television was far from the height it is at in our modern world. I could read more, dance more, hop a train to Vermont and perform in a Christmas theatre/theater production! Um, but seriously? Time-travel me please!

Wow, Mia Thermopolis' pre-makeover eyebrows are really bothering me right now, but not enough to ruin my happy mood so it's cool.

Bing Crosby is my Homeboy.

Snow It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Snow I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow
Snow I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Snow Oh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow.
When the fam ventures to the city over Christmas and we skate in Central Park, I hope that we are surrounded by beautiful white stuff.

I can't wait for home. Morning coffee with the mom. Annoying the sisters. Chef Jeff's cooking. Historic Main Street homes lit up for holiday. Snowboarding with friends (pending on that damn snow). And I'm eager to see this Starbucks in Safeway!

Still, Clemson Christmas has been good. The apartment decorations make me happy, as do the lights around "downtown." This weekend I heard some great rock renditions of Christmas songs. Credit partially goes to a friend's band who played a holiday show at a ridicuously cute coffee shop/bar/concert venue in Greenville... clearly a hidden treasure that went undiscovered last year.

I'll soon be there with snow I'll wash my hair with snow And with a spade of snow I'll build a man that's made of snow I'd love to stay up with you but I recommend a little shuteye Go to sleep And dream of snow...

Thoughts Persistant.

I need to finish my story for journalism. Tomorrow I have to interview the manager at the Blue Heron. Maybe he'll know a way of getting in contact with some one who remembers The Joint. Why did this place effing close down!? Has this town no appreciation for quality music. Oh right, it doesn't.

I've been thinking a lot recently about who I am as a person and whether or not I'm satisfied with who I seem to be becoming. I've changed a lot in a year as far as beliefs and values are concerned; and while a big part likes the change, the other half is reminded of the past and causing me to second-guess whether or not these changes are in actuality making me a better person.

I've also been thinking a lot about friends and how thankful I am to have the ones that I have. It's amazing to me that some of the people that mean the most to me in my life right now I've only known for a short while. And it's equally amazing and awesome that I'm still kicking it with some of the people I've known for years. I want nothing more than to see my friends happy, embracing life, flourishing in everything they are trying to do. Anddd I just hope I'm a good friend!

I love my mommy.

I'm not sure if I want the Starbucks job now that I've applied. I've always wanted to be a barista there, but they want me to work some crazy hours a week, forgetting I'm still a college student. Maybe I won't get hired? Is that super lazy and non-driven sounding of me? I hope not, because these things can't typically be found in my personality.

eh, this is scattered.

Le Fin.

Aujourd'hui, j'ai eu ma derniere classe francaise. J'ai pris le francais puisque j'etais 14 et bien que le langue peut etre amusant, il suce pour apprendre. Alors, dans les mots de Nada Surf: Oh eff it, j'aurai une fete! (Mon ipod joue les meilleures chansons aux bon temps).

Translation: Today, I had my last french class. I've taken French since I was 14; and even though the language can be fun, it sucks to learn. So, in the words of Nada Surf: Oh eff it, I'm gonna have a party! (My ipod plays the best songs at the right times).

As I headed to my car after class, I twirled through the Brooks Center walkway. It was a magical moment until two old people started walking my way and gave me wierd looks.

I think I need to go places.
I just can't get myself to go.

These Photographs.

I like Sufjan and I like Christmas, especially in Germany, even though I've never been to Germany, but it looks beautiful, just like this child who I hope is an accurate portrayal of my future daughter (Ireland!) who will grow up to be musically-inclined and have an appreciation for record players, beacuse they were, afterall, so much cooler than cds and ipods, though not as cool as the hills, which are alive with the sound of music, the music of Fraline Maria's voice, which is so great that when she sings, it travels over the hills of Austria into the Czech, specifically Prague, where I will be next fall enjoying life, with no time to write pointless, grammatically incorrect blog entries such as this one. And I hate widows so I will finish with this sentence.

Shoebox Full of Photographs and Sepia-Tone Lovin'.

I've been in a Jack Johnson mood all morning. I'm thrilled because these moods always remind me to chill out when I'm stressed and relax. Thanks Jack.

I felt the need to write something non-academic this morning before I spent the rest of my day/life in the lib. I got a fantastic couch chair on the fifth floor. All the way to left by the copy machine where no one can see my computer screen (I don't like feeling guilty when people can see I'm on facebook, or blogging), and I have a great view of downstairs. Two old men are decorating the Christmas tree and adding big-bowed wreaths to front windows. Further, I can lounge my feet out on the table. Nice.

I'm excited to go reject tree hunting Saturday morning. I like the concept of rescuing a homeless tree and making him feel special...doning him in homemade ornaments, stringed popcorn, and tinsel, tinsel, tinsel. We're going for the tacky look this year.
Oh yes, and one more thing. I ate a candy cane yesterday. Therefore, the holiday is coming and I'm excited.

Mr. Yuck.

Recent things that have caused me great disgust:
-organic raspberry vinegrette salad dressing
-my bloodshot eye
-papers, exams, and speeches...oh my!
-Hollywood writer's strike
-our unwashed kitchen floor
-traffic

eh, how trivial these mere annoyances are in the great scheme of life!
Carpe Diem!
Hakuna Matata!
C'est la vie!
Give me liberty, or give me death! ...alright, now I've gone too far. Gee-Knight.

Writer's Block.

Upon the receival of my first diary, age five, I knew I wanted to write. Of course, as all children do, I went through stages where I strayed away from my first love (teacher, marine biologist, actress, dolphin trainer, phyical therapist, interior designer...Titanic expert?) Still, no matter what phase I may have gone through, I always phased out, eagerly running right back to writing. It's one of those things that has remained a stable passion in my life...along with ice cream, the Spice Girls, and eye-liner (HAH, I'm only partially kidding with these).

Therefore, how seriously annoyed and seriously conflicted I find myself, that the thing I want to do more than anything else, the one thing that I am trying to embark on a life-long journey with...the thing that is supposed to be my stablity, is the one thing that is spooning me a current dose of dissonance. It's the one thing that is causing me to pause and take a serious look at where I am right now; and it is quite possibly the one thing that could change the course of these next few years, pending on the decision it guides me to.

Well, Hell. I'm confused.

Note from a 9 year old.

I'm giving Anna free reign of my blog tonight. Let's see what she has to say:

Here is some advice to play a prank on someone:go to youtube.com and type in ghost car and click on the ghost car add and don't let the person see what you are tyeping in and cover the top were it says ghost car add cause then they will see that it is a scary thing then just wait for the fun to begin and the person will think that it is going to be a lovly car but then ahhhhh! A ghost pops up it will scare them a lot. Oh yeah and tell them that you want to show them a really cool car and they will think that it won't be scary but then ATTACK OF THE CIVIL WAR! Next i want talk about Elf a very funny movie "bye buddy hope you find you dad". Yes it is very funny but it can be very sad hold on i need a moment.........ok sorry i was just crying. Now the moment you'v been wating for its Soilja Boy Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Soilja boy up in the oh watch me crank it watch me oh so why do you crank the soilja boy why do you crank that soilja boy! My friend Brandon taught me that! Finally I LOVE REGINA SPEKTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Anna

Oh the innocence of children. It's pretty sad that 4th graders are listening to Soulja Boy. My sister is weird, but I love her.

To Be Thankful.

What am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? My mom and her silly comments. And my dad's ability to make fun of her.
Me- "Mommy, why aren't you more of a domestic mother?"
-"What, would you rather me be sitting around baking pies all day or bettering myself as a human being!?"
In talking about her final project for her design class...
Anna- "Mom, was anybody else's board in the class as nice as yours?"
-"No."
Looking at a decorating magazine in our kitchen...
Dad- "Oh look, the newest word in the decorating world is 'twist.' I guess you'll be using that along with all those other stupid words like 'yummy.'"
- "You just don't understand design lingo. I was in a store the other day and a male designer said 'yummy.' It's just artistic. You have lingo in your field."
Dad- "Yeah. 'pump.'"
- "Oh you know what I mean!"
Dad- "Hey Bridget, guess what!? I sold a yummy pump today!"

Dinner at the Gaudreau's tonight, good time. After 11 years, they really have become family.
Looking forward to a day of shopping tomorrow.

Thunderous Silence.

The same green walls. The same carpet. The same white wooden blinds and the same curtains. The same lonely wicker chair that I've rarely sat in...positioned oh so faithfully in that corner, anticipating the moment when I may, just may, rest in it's curves.

Besides these mundane features, I'm currently in a room that seems like a distant memory. I'm resting in a bed that isn't mine, just recently delivered to the house, and besides that pathetically faithful chair, my furniture is gone, now in my apartment. The odds and ends that I left behind when I went away to school last year are now residing in my closet. There is no noise coming from a television, nothing on the walls to stimulate my mind, there is just silence. A silence that stems from the absence of distraction.

However, within the silence still exists the noise of my mind, the noise being made by my thoughts. What exactly are they saying tonight?

Tonight, they seem to be fixed on the emotions I'm having about being home temporarily. Nine hours away at school, home is such a precious place that I look forward to returning to each time I get the opportunity. I feel like it's such a rare treat to experience the place where I am most myself, the place where I have the closet relationships with the people around me, the place that I make fun of for being small, rural, and boring, yet the place that amazes me with it's natural beauty everytime I venture back. Tonight, I'm bothered by the fact that this is no longer my primary dwelling. With each visit home, it is seeming more like a rest stop, a place to indulge in a much-needed hearty meal, get some much-needed sleep, and visit quickly with a few important people, before heading back to the place that is selfishly trying to take over as my new home. This isn't to say that I'm not happy where I am...it's just becoming more and more of a reality that as time is passing, I'm moving farther and farther away from something that was so wonderfully mine for 18 years (spread between three states, six houses, and three apartments). Again, not to say that just because I'm not at home as often anymore, doesn't mean it isn't my home and doesn't mean I am fully emancipated from it, but there is that realization that I'm growing up and life is calling me onward. It seems like these are thoughts that should have been more prominant last year, going through all the akward freshman changes, but there's something about being off of campus this year and feeling more independent that is bringing about these thoughts in full force.

It's just wierd, wierd, wierd. But nonetheless, I make the most of the time I'm here...this so far includes, but is not limited to, 3 games of CandyLand with Anna, helping mom at 2am with her presentation board, watching Grounded 4 Life with Meggie, my first experience at Noodles & Company (which my grandma couldn't stop calling Oodles and Noodles), and good conversations with Cass and Bri at the Lukey house. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Travelers (No)Rest.

Driving in cars by yourself for long periods of time (aka- road trip home for the holiday) are lonely and can lead to insanity issues.

Nevertheless, it's a good learning opportunity.
(for the record, I'm aware of the clicheness of this entry...the whole attempt to be witty and profound, "omg here are some things I learned...and now I will write a cute little list and attempt to add subtle or blatant humor (your perrogative)." Just thought I'd put that out there.)

-1st and foremost > November 19th is National WIDE LOAD Day.
-I loathe Georgia drivers, especially when they still have a way of sneaking up on you in Virginia
-In order to maintain a sense of classiness, yet still promoting our right to free speech, gas station bathrooms are now equipped with paper for passerbys to write their thoughts on
-Rockin' the Suburbs by Ben Folds will always give me great chuckles
-You should not attempt to take pictures while operating a vehicle on winding mountains
-I may hate Nickelback more than any other band
-Virginia has the most creative landscape architecture when it comes to designing police hide-outs
-Middletown road officials don't seem to care that the speed limit sign on Holter Road still reads "Pee Limit" thanks to what I assume to be the works of a middle school boy with true, artistic ductape talent.

That's all, k bye.

Stillness has no Home.

- Certainty, Obscurity

I'm not sure where I stand.

So many thoughts and so many words

So much music, my ears have heard.

Changes are always changing

Always losing and always gaining

Stillness has no home, it has no home. -

This doesn't reflect my present state, but in times it's relevant.

Music and Politics.

CDs that made my adolescent life:
The Center Stage and Save the Last Dance Soundtracks
-These ruled my CD player on the bus ride to school throughout all of 7th grade
Jewel ~ Pieces of You
-I loved that she yodeled and that she used to wash her hair in a K-Mart bathroom
-I partially attribute my love of writing music and playing the guitar to this album
Nelly ~ Country Grammar
-As far as rap goes, I still think it's unbeatable
Destiny's Child ~ Writings on the Wall
-I liked the challenge of trying to figure out what they were actually saying ("Bugga Boo" anyone?)

I'm somewhat glad my music taste has evolved since then, but I'm proud of my roots nonetheless.

One Christmas when my mom went to buy me some CDs on my christmas list, the worker helping her looked at her funny and said, "your daughter sure does have an interesting array of music selections!" I like it that way, thank you.

I'm in the library and this is a clear attempt at procrastinating.

It bothers me that a girl is currently reading last Friday's issue of The Tiger. Newsflash...that's old news get with the times (May I suggest the New York Times? It's much more up to speed).
I'm also annoyed by the fact that her friend just made a statement on how it is a trendy thing to vote for Barack Obama...oh so it's not a trendy thing to be all gung ho for Ron Paul on this campus?

Alright, I'm done. Time to work.

Show and Tell, Minus the Show.

Secret: Often, when I'm really tired, I get delirious and start to say things to the people near me. They typically don't make sense, or, in the unfortunate situation, are mean. My words tend to vary, depending on who I fall asleep near. If my sister is present, I frequently enjoy arguing about who picked up the cardboard from the store. If I'm with friends, I prefer to converse in mumbled jibberish or bring up events past...those that occured as sleep was falling upon me.

It's just something I do, alright?

Good thing no one is in my immediate proximity because I'm very tired and can sense deliria rising from within...if you couldn't already tell from this completely pointless entry.

'Nite.

Strange Appearences.

During the past few weeks at church we have been working through a series entitled Strange Appearences.

This morning, as part of our series, Nathan invited his Muslim friend, Abdul, to come and participate in a conversation with him in the presence of our community about Islam. It was one of the most intriguing, beautiful, sincere, and refreshing things I have ever witnessed during a Sunday gathering.

Abdul provided much insight into what it means to be Muslim, but what was most interesting and eye-opening to me were the similarities between the Islamic and Christian faith.

Several subjects were touched on during the conversation and all were rich in word. There were, however, two points that Abdul made that really formed an impression on my heart:

1. "It is good that we are talking. It is good that we are talking."
-We are called in both the Muslim and Christian faith to "Love our neighbors," but how can we do so if we do not know our neighbor?

2. How can one say that they live in total submission to the word of God when they don't even know what the word says?
-This I found relevant to not only Muslims, whom he was talking about, in context, but to Christians as well.

At the end of the conversation, our community witnessed a warm embrace between Nathan and Abdul from which sprung an emotion inside of me. I could see, even feel, the sincerity it their embrace, and to me it symbolized the message God has scribed out for us, "to love our neighbor," free of judgement and free of hate...simply bound by a willingness and an eagerness to understand the totally other.

I was both humbled and challenged this morning, and I only wish that all members of the Christian community could experience something similar.

Mod is Tired.

"I do wonder if people aren't just interested in music that has meaning...Because there's been an exhaustion through forms and genres, like rock and electronica, doing away with melodies, and I think maybe we're always interested in songs - folk songs, hymns, whatever. Patriotic songs with strong melodies. It's the basis of what I'm doing, just focusing on traditional songwriting.” ~Sufjan Stevens

Tradition. I feel like so often in America, we are trying to steer away from the old, the "torn and the tattered" that are essentially our roots. I certainly don't want to judge, but in a modern society that holds the overwhelming belief that new is better, it's hard not to accuse us of abandonment.

Sufjan's quote captures the essence of my observation. There seems to be an overload of high-tech, high-fashion, high-riding going on in modern society and we have become so absorbed to a point of physical and emotional exhaustion. It is too hard to keep up with the latest-ins. Through our efforts to revamp everything, we have lost those "melodies" that made us unique, from which our young and growing culture rang forth.

I spent some time in Europe this summer and I was both taken aback and deeply moved by the fact that within each city, both tradition and modern society lived in harmony. Yes, people walked the streets with iPods nestled in their ears, but surrounding them was nothing but breath-taking architecture, telling the timeless tales of each city's past. Furthermore, there was an air about the Europeans suggesting that within them, a certain pride for tradition was instilled, a pride that is deeply rooted in each of their hearts. It was so refreshing to see, and for that reason, I simply can't stay away...

DESTINATION FALL 2008: Prague. or Florence.

Come Together.

I guess you aren't very lucky, because cleary I haven't said any words for a good ten days (I know the wait was long, but you know it was worth it).

This blogging thing, I've decided, is going to take some damn good discipline on my part.

Last week I went to see Nada Surf in concert down in Good Ol' Athens (due to my college "town's" lack of a quality music scene). I could go on and on about what an amazing show it was, but I wouldn't think of trying to make anyone jealous, so let me just reflect on an observation I made during the show.

As the band jammed (yes, I said jammed) on, I took my eyes off of them for a short time to people watch, a favorite hobby of mine. I immediately took notice of the different ways the people in the audience were reacting to the music, specifically their movements.

There were, of course, the trashed and/or stoned, who swayed back and worth, happily dazed and confused.

There was a boy jumping so high off the ground I thought he was going to stumble onto the stage in mid-air.

A girl jirating side to side in a very teeny-bop manner

The composed, gently tapping their feet on the ground or drumming on their thighs
The head-boppers

The air drummers/air guitarists

And those, like me, who were all over the place...a combination of all these individuals (minus the jirating girl...no thank you.)

I smiled watching these individuals and it got me thinking. I found it interesting how each person reacted uniquely to the same song. Each person seemed to create their own world in which they, and they alone, were engaged in the music. We each picked out our own rhythm to act out through our movements. And seeing these movements come together in one big mess, was beautiful, because even though it was a mess, it had character, it had life, it had energy, and in a weird way...it just worked.

This is life. All of us, together, dancing to a different beat. We collide, bounce off one another, feed off other's energy. It's chaotic and can be overwhelming at times, all the different people...race, ethnicity, values, taste, style, personality...the list goes on. But if you really think about it, that overwhelmingness is creating a culture. It forces us to interact, forces us to turn to our side and get to know the unknown. It's just good for the soul!

A big beautiful mess...just embrace it people.

Why Blog?

If I'm counting correctly, this would be my fourth attempt at maintaining a blog.

Hmmm, let's change that catchy phrase "Third Times a Charm" to "Fourth Times a Charm," shall we?

While I much more prefer my tree-killing, but beautiful none-the-less, paper journal, it seems the world of online blogging has its advantages...

-I've never been a fast writer, but typing...what can I say? I gots some skills.
-I CAN CHANGE THE WORLD WITH MY ELOQUENT THOUGHTS AND IDEAS, AS EVERYONE WILL WANT TO READ THEM!...or not.
-It gives me something to do with my IBM Thinkpad (Don't hate, you know you're jealous), other than Facebook or read National Geographic Online.
-I can change the format, color, and font of my "not journal" whenever I want...yes!!
-Experience, Experience, Experience...I am, afterall, seeking to become a writer, and what better way to undergo maturation in my field than to actually WRITE!?!?

So why must I attempt, once more to blog? It's simple this time around...my advisor suggested it. Said it would be good. Said it's a good display of my writing. Said it's one of the only things I can do since my school is stupid and doesn't have a quality journalism program/any great ways for a now wasted talent like myself to get invovled (well, he didn't say this, but I did!...humbly, of course!) We'll see how it goes...

-always yours.